Read Write Magazine

Dear England

2008-11-09T20:20:35Z

Dear England
It has come our attention that recently you have not been participating to the fullest extent in the United Kingdom, to whit you have:
*hogged all the best jobs
*buggered up the economy
*pretended that England = Britain
*forced your royal family on the rest of us
*changed the political complexion of the government all the time when we'd be quite happy with a socialist one
*consistently refused to pay us back for stealing all our natural resources
*and then carped (...)

How long before they come?

2007-07-12T13:29:49Z

I don't really subscribe to conspiracy theories. I'm much more a proof of the pudding type of guy. Although, in my darkest moments, paranoia has been known to rear its ugly head. This usually happens when I find micro-transmitters hidden in the light sockets. My neighbour tells me it's pretty normal stuff for our area and it is only the District Council looking for evidence of non-compliance with the green bag scheme. He's a good guy my neighbour, although I'm not sure about his name. I (...)

House Rules For Young Adults

2007-07-03T08:48:22Z

A legislator somewhere is mulling over the possibility of enforced removal of offspring over the age of eighteen from the family home. That Member of Parliament, Assembly Member, Senator, or Congressperson has my vote. I'm seriously thinking of having a device fitted to my door that will prevent anyone between the ages of eighteen and thirty from entering my home without a pass for which they will need to make an application in writing a month in advance of the event. Even then, they will (...)

Kiss my Heiney

2007-04-04T08:04:34Z

The Heineken Cup is under threat. The French clubs have decided the English clubs need to have more of say in the running of the competition, so they are boycotting it in the 2007/08 season. The English clubs say the competition is pas la valeur le papier sur lequel il est �crit if their French counterparts are not in it to win it, never mind the fact that nary an accented vowel appears on the fixture list for the semi-finals this year.
That leaves the Welsh, Irish, Scots and Italians all (...)

The phone rings....

2007-03-22T08:27:12Z

The phone rings, and that moment every father dreads comes crashing into your world like a steroidal bull with a hangover. A voice you have known all your life speaks, deeper now, but still the boy you knew, now a man. His tones trembling, your son says; "Dad, you got to help me...."
I received a call of this kind from my eldest son yesterday. He was obviously in a state of panic. Immediately, my heart leapt into my mouth and all kinds of wild imaginings flirted with the emergency button (...)

The Pianist with Tourettes

2006-06-09T10:29:13Z

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.
Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'. F*cking get in there you c*nt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs s*it middle class w*nkhole please you c*nt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can (...)

Argentina V Wales - First Test Preview

2006-06-09T09:27:14Z

As hard as I try not to, about this time before a match, the testosterone takes over, I find myself clenching my fists at odd intervals throughout the morning and day-dreaming of the fourth try being run in by Shane, while Nicky is casually slotting over 65 metre plus penalties, as the Argentinian team look on in admiration, in front of an exclusvely Welsh speaking crowd of Patagonians, who look like so many prunes in red rugby shirts. The President of Argentina is moved to tears as he (...)

Popham stakes Wales claim

2006-05-09T18:30:00Z

Very nice for the Blues: Scarlets win and no bonus points either way. Very nice for Wales: another young 10 with potential steps off the Carmarthen conveyor belt in the shape of Craig Evans. The youngster had a very good game and despite a slightly shaky start, he looked increasingly confident as he got into the pace of the game, scoring two penalties - one from sixty metres - and a conversion.
IN A TENSE, error strewn first half, the scoring was opened by Jerry Manning after 15 minutes and (...)

Tale of two cities

2006-05-04T11:58:01Z

IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times. For forty long minutes, the boys in blue and black quadrants laboured under the misapprehension they were a semi-professional rugby team, while the West Wales outfit looked far from the lowly outfit their league position suggests. Then for forty more, the slickers ran riot over the fallen bodies of West Wales's best.
Carmarthenites - I can call them that can't I? I know it sounds a bit like Kryptonite, but they are no less poisonous. (...)

Hairsprays Lacquered

2005-12-21T23:00:00Z

As derbies go, the Ospreys - Blues affair is one that elicits a fair degree of open rugby from the participants, occasionally spiced up with a few fisticuffs - a carry over from the old Neath / Swansea - Cardiff matches, which were usually fought under Queensbury rules. This one had the added frisson of incautious words from Ospreys team manager, Derwent Jones, whose mystery shrouded departure from the Blues still appears to rankle.
It didn't take long for first blood. Xavier Rush went (...)