Read Write

Making the world smile, one muscle at a time

I take it all back

by Marrick on May 29, 2012

cuddly

The coalition aren’t a bunch of spineless, incompetent, economic illiterates, with all the compassion of a gang of hungry spiders. They’re lovely. Cuddly, in fact. Here’s why:

The government is to reverse its plans to impose VAT on Cornish pasties, the BBC has learned.

Ministers have also reduced the intended 20% charge which was due to be levied on static caravans to 5%.

The U-turn from Chancellor George Osborne##Q##s Budget follows protests by bakers and caravanning enthusiasts.

What a caring, listening government.

Now that we##Q##re friends, can we talk about disability living allowance and a few other things, guys? Guys?

New era

In this new era of friendliness and co-operation I think we should have a little bit more openness. Now I don##Q##t want to seem harsh, but there##Q##s something that##Q##s been nagging at me and I think it##Q##s high time we had a full and frank disclosure. What have you done with all the money?

It##Q##s pretty safe to say that it hasn##Q##t just disappeared. It##Q##s around somewhere, but everyone I know has less of it, ergo someone, somewhere must have more. That##Q##s how it works, right? So, what have you done with all the money, George? Don##Q##t make me ask Dave, you know know how angry he gets when he##Q##s asked hard stuff, especially sums and things. So c##Q##mon, cough up. What have you done with the dosh?

Perhaps it’s all gone to buy caravans…

This could be a good plan, if you taxed caravans at 5% and fitted ministerial cars with tow hitches, we could dispense with all those expensive homes and offices. Instead of number 10, we could have the A10. It sounds better, don##Q##t you think? It##Q##s win win. You get increased revenues to the Exchequer, cuts in public expenditure and a stimulus to the tow hitch industry. This is called “resolving the economic crisis one cringing u-turn at a time”.

We’re broke

I know some of you are saying.. the last Chancellor admitted we’re broke… but listen, we’re not broke. The rich boys are making loads of dosh and the system certainly isn##Q##t broke, it##Q##s working fine: filtering all the wedge from the poor to the rich. I##Q##m broke, you##Q##re broke, the average bloke in the street is broke, but the country isn##Q##t, it##Q##s just George has hidden all the money. I realise it##Q##s just a jape; he##Q##s famous for his sense of humour is Georgie-Porgie, but I think it##Q##s gone far enough. He has to own up and tells where he##Q##s put it all

Mistake

Oh Christ… I’ve just realised: it##Q##s-all-one-big-mistake… Let’s look at that BBC quote again:

The government is to reverse its plans to impose VAT on Cornish pasties, the BBC has learned.
Ministers have also reduced the intended 20% charge which was due to be levied on static caravans to 5%.
The U-turn from Chancellor George Osborne##Q##s Budget follows protests by bakers and caravanning enthusiasts.

They thought the Beeb meant "bankers", not bakers. As soon as they discover their error, they##Q##ll get back on track screwing us to feed the rich. Phew, for a moment…

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: